Saturday, November 23 2024
Written by November 16, 2019

Failure: Life Update 2019

Feelings Article

Failure. 

Eight letters and two symbols make up the word that makes me cringe, want to throw up, and leaves me feeling completely useless. 

I’ve hated the word failure more than any other word in the English language (besides the word moist) for as long as I can remember. I strived to be good at everything because I associated failing with not being good enough. I put so much unnecessary pressure on myself to be good at everything I did. I worked way too hard and stressed over silly things that didn’t matter so that I could try to avoid feeling the bitter sting of failure and maintain my self-worth. 

You may have noticed that I have barely written any blogs this year. The truth is, I felt like a failure for most of 2019, and that made me take a wee-break from blogging. I made some mistakes this last year, and things didn’t work out as I thought they would. Instead of seeing these experiences as life lessons, I let them define me, which left me feeling like the biggest loser around. I guess I felt like I had come so close and worked so hard to get the things that I truly wanted and they were all taken away. I felt like life was teasing me by dangling the things I wanted in my face and then ripped each one away from me. It was like I had built a beautiful sandcastle that I was so proud of and excited for, only to watch it be washed away. So I took a break from blogging and focused on healing and self-love. 

This summer, I moved to Tofino, B.C. While I was there taking my blogging break, I learned to surf. I have a major crush on the ocean and a thing for adrenaline, so surfing seemed to be the perfect activity for me. It is definitely super hard and I am still growing in my abilities, but I found it addictive, making me feel completely alive and free. 

Learning to surf taught me a lot, like failure is nothing to be ashamed of It doesn’t define who we are or our abilities and is the only way we can succeed. 

When you are learning to surf, it is guaranteed you’re going to suck at it at first. You are going to get pushed around by the waves, fall off your board millions of times, and you’re going to look like a complete fool. In other words, before you can be successful at surfing, you’re going to fail, over and over and over again. That’s what happened to me. I would suit up, grab my board, run to the ocean and fail. But this time, I didn’t let failure stop me. Instead, I let it fuel me to practice and improve. This made me realize that anything that I failed at the beginning of the year was just building me up for success. It was just practice so that I could improve my abilities and become stronger and more confident. 

I also fell more in love with myself this summer. Anyone who knows me would probably tell you that I am not the most humble person. For the most part, I have always been a fan of myself, and as I get older, I just like myself more and more. During this break period, I moved across the country, and it helped me to realize how strong and capable I am and it made me so damn proud of myself! I also realized that my worth and value as a person has nothing to do with my current circumstances. It literally doesn’t matter if I fail at everything I ever try to do for the rest of my life, I am still dope as fuck. I feel like this is a lesson that everyone on the planet needs to understand and accept. 

Failure doesn’t take away from who we are. Read it again. Failure doesn’t take away from who we are. 

During this time, I also realized how much I love creating. Even though I wasn’t posting a lot of photos and blogs, I was shooting photos and writing just for myself. I feel like I re-fell in love with my creativity. I actually created a photo and poem collection called I Ran Away To The Sea, and maybe one day I’ll share it with the world. 

The final great thing that happened during my break is that I had so much time to rethink and plan what I want Loving Life With Cass to look like! Let me tell you, I have some great ideas. The biggest thing that I want is for LLWC to be more authentic. I want to try to get away from influencer trends and be way more focused on true, authentic travel. Think less selfies and more beautiful landscapes. I am also adding a new series to the blog called “Real Stories” which will be more journalistic. You can check out the first one here. Some other new things at LLWC are: 

Another big thing that I realized is that I want Loving Life WIth Cass to be extremely successful. I have a big crazy vision for the brand, and I am so stoked to see it grow and be everything I know it can be. 

So, yeah, that’s my life and blog update. I am so stoked for this next season in my life. Oh PS, I am now living in Victoria, B.C. 

Stay classy friends, and remember to fail often. 

Love you,

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